The Student (from Hell)
"Well I want to learn to hang glide", said the voice upon the phone "And my wife has up and left me, so I find myself alone Said she wouldn’t let me do it, but she was a crazy bitch So its time to go hang gliding, cause to fly I have an itch."
Well I didn’t see a problem, as we talked upon the phone He just seemed an average bloke, but who really could have known That out upon the training hill, I would have my work cut out Well I’ve never had a student fail, but I began to have some doubt
That with fifty years of teaching, he was ever going to fly He kept crashing training gliders, as he quested for the sky I would have never really thought, it could take so many days I never would have really thought, you could crash so many ways
Over control, Under control, hips moving left not right Pulling in, not pushing out, new problems every flight Well finally the penny drops, into his tiny brain A perfect flight, so up we go, to do it once again
Pick glider up, then nice smooth run, the nose a tad too high He pushes out and stalls the wing, it made me want to cry I just want to pose a question, that is sitting in my brain As we straighten out the down tubes, it is quite hard to refrain
He seems to me a hopeless case, his progress is so slow One step forward, two steps back, is not the way to go But he doesn’t let these crashes, destroy his dream of flight He is going to be a pilot, and with time, he gets it right
So that now a lifetime later, he can run straight down the slope Leave the ground, return again, perhaps there is some hope So we gather up the students, off to Birchip do we go I’d be lying if I told you, I was sure they all could tow
But they need some smooth air time, and the tow is the best way As sun lights up the eastern sky, we set up for the day In every course, there’s always some, that stand out from the rest They usually, come to the front, to show that they’re the best
Tow after tow, the best ones go, in silky smooth dawn sky It builds the others confidence, to give the tow a try Then finally it is HIS turn, the subject of this tale Well I think you might have guessed, I was worried he could fail
Hook onto tow, it’s GO-GO-GO, up into smooth dawn air And everything goes perfectly, till he gives us all a scare At top of tow, why I don’t know, he turns the glider round But the towline’s still attached and starts him heading for the ground
Now, by heading for the ground, I don’t mean a gentle dive If he doesn’t let that towrope go, he’s not going to be alive "Release, release, RELEASE" I say, but I don’t think he hears Then that weak link breaking sound, comes like music to my ears
But now before I can relax, I watch with baited breath The training glider do a loop, which scares me half to death And then a wang, and then a stall, and then another dive A quick chandelle, a mere steep turn, I think he will survive
Well finally the glider comes, back into level flight A nice approach, round out and flare, so he makes it down all right So how was that, I have to ask, just wondering what he’ll say "Well it got a little bumpy, but it seemed to be OK!"
Now you might think, that after that, he’d give it all away But he didn’t let it stop him, and he still flies to this day Well there may be those among you, don’t believe this tale of peril So if you ever come here flying, just ask of Ben or Erol